I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
