do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
