life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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