things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
