She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
