yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
