woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
