remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
