WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
