Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
