Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we should paint friendship bongs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
