yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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