he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
