fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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