Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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