She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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