I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
