my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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