Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
