some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize