First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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