So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
