the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
