You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize