i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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