I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
