How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
