I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
