The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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