Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
