just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
