I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
