honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
