the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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