I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
