That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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