I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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