ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
