this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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