Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Every concussion has its silver lining
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love you. Go after that dick
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize