Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
