They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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