grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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