According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so let's talk penis.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
