Whod you bang
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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