Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
not ubering you a puppy
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