I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
its liver damage thursday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
