I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
