yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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