to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
