note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
