i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
