i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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