Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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