she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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