i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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