plz talk dirty to me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have aggressive nipples.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
