Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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