I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
