The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
