dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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