I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
