I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
