One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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