I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
