She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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