I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
