so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
