so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
