would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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