I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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