u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
