Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
last night I used snow as a chaser
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
