I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
