so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
