You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
