I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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