I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
3pm strippers are depressing
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
