I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
