I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize